Have you ever been in an argument with someone and realized that you were wrong? Do you remember that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when it became clear you needed to apologize and admit your wrongs? That feeling is called Pride. It gives new meaning to the saying "swallowing your pride." The truth is, when it comes down to it, we all have pride. We all struggle with wanting to be right at times.
Another scenario of when pride rears its ugly head and tries to ruin things would be when you're trying to deepen a friendship or relationship with someone. Often times we have to show some vulnerability and emotion. When we do this, it can often feel like we are showing a weakness, especially if we are talking about areas where we are struggling or suffering. It takes laying our pride aside and owning up to the fact that we aren't always perfect, and that we have messed up in our lives.
Here's another one. In regards to friendship, how often have you waited for a friend to text you first or make plans with you first? Instead of reaching out yourself, you have too much pride to take that first step. What if they turn you down? What if you get rejected somehow? What if it makes you feel like a loser to admit that you don't have any plans on a Friday night?
There is no place in relationships or friendships for pride. The only time that pride plays a part is when we are proud FOR someone we love. Maybe they earned an award or maybe they got a promotion. All too often, however, our pride shows up in the worst ways and seeks to destroy our relationships.
I have found that acknowledging pride is sometimes a very difficult task. Many times we don't recognize that it's our pride getting in the way because our emotions are justifying our actions. When we are wrong in an argument, our emotions tell us that the other person raised their voice and yelled so that gives us the right to be upset. Instead of diffusing a disagreement by acknowledging our fault in the situation, we let our wounded pride well up inside of us and cause us to go on the defensive. I don't know if you have ever noticed before, but when you're talking with someone and they get defensive with you, how long does it take you before you feel your own defenses rising? Then all of a sudden, you're no longer arguing about whatever it was but about how you're talking to each other. What a mess, right?
Pride goeth before the fall, yes? I know it can be uncomfortable and difficult to set your pride aside and admit your wrongs, or admit how much you need someone, or admit how much you're struggling. My friends, I have been there and I do understand how difficult this task can be. I want to encourage you and urge you to work on letting go of that pride and putting your relationships ahead of it. The outcome will be so much more than what you can imagine.
If you find that you're struggling to be vulnerable with those you love, maybe look into some counseling for yourself. Counseling is a great way to practice being vulnerable without fear of judgment or rejection. It's a safe place to learn how to effectively communicate without letting your pride get in the way. This blog has never been meant to push counseling on anyone, but in moments like this, when I know that counseling can help with an issue, I want to be honest and upfront. Counseling can be such a scary step for so many people. The truth is, it's the ultimate laying down of your pride because you're admitting that you need help with something. However, in doing so, you will not only come out of the process stronger than ever, you might even find that your friendships and relationships have grown exponentially deeper.
Be Happy! Be Healthy!
Until Next Time!
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