The ever-changing standards for what makes someone beautiful are downright exhausting aren't they? As women, we have an innate desire to be found beautiful, desirable, sexy and alluring. But how do we keep up with all the expectations and standards that have been set by media and fashion? I visit with so many women who struggle with self-image, body-image, and confidence. These issues begin early on in the developing process and the reason I know this is because of how many pre-teens and teens I see. I rarely come across a confident teenager. These young girls are struggling to find their identity and because technology is so readily available, guess where they look for their confidence. They look online at the celebrities, the buzzfeed articles that give them step-by-step instructions on how to be sexy, and they compare themselves to their friends who are posting ultra-filtered pictures of themselves all over snapchat.
Self-esteem is probably one of the hardest issues to work on, in my opinion, because it stems from a deep-rooted belief within ourselves. Something within us tells us that we are ugly, we are unlovable, we are undesirable, etc. My sweet friends, that something within us is our own voice. WE are the ones telling ourselves we are ugly, we are unlovable, we are undesirable. That voice is always there, sometimes like a whisper and other times like a scream. So many of us, me included, chase the idea that if we lose a certain amount of weight or if we change our hair, our clothes, our makeup, we will feel better and therefore, we will feel confident and beautiful. The sad part is, once we make all of these changes, we find that we STILL feel just like we always have. That's because the problem isn't on the outside, it's on the inside. If you're spending more time picking yourself apart, looking at the flaws, cutting yourself down, then you'll find that no amount of outward changes are going to help.
It has become abundantly clear to me in my years of working with people that we do a really bad job at thinking positively when no one is looking. We wake up in the morning dreading the day, dreading the pants you have to squeeze yourself into, dreading the mirror you have to look at, then we throw back some coffee, convincing ourselves that the liquid will offer energy and happiness, and on to work or school we go. Once there, we are faced with dealing with people, perceived or outright judgment from peers or bosses, failures and successes, etc. Then we go home for the day and eat food that makes us feel better for the moment, but then makes us feel guilty once we are done. Before long, it's time for bed and we sigh a sigh of relief that the day is over, only to begin dreading the next day before our eyes close. Where in this scenario did we attempt to think positively, to have a heart of gratitude, to spread joy and kindness, to offer encouragement to ourselves and others?
We learn how to be complainers and we learn how to be negative. This learned behavior becomes an ingrained part of our everyday routine and habits. There is hope though! Just as we learned how to be negative, we can learn to be positive. However, this takes work and consistency. If we don't commit to the process, then the outcome won't be successful.
I said this earlier in the week on my social media pages: Our brains are essentially computers. What you input, it will output. If you want to feel beautiful, you're not going to get there by telling yourself you're ugly. If you want to feel happy, you're not going to get there by complaining and being ungrateful. If you want to feel desirable, you're not going to get there by saying no one likes you. Mental Health takes work. Solid, consistent, HARD work. No pill will make you wake up and see beauty in the morning. No drug will make you feel happiness that stems from within.
It's time to dedicate your energy and your efforts to building yourselves up instead of tearing yourselves down. This world could eat us all alive if we let it. Media isn't ever going to make you feel good about yourself, articles are never going to help you feel the things you want to feel. YOU are the one that will eventually convince yourself that you are worthy, you are loved, you are beautiful, you are wanted. But in order for that to happen, you must make the commitment to change your thinking and not expect a lifetime of negative thoughts to immediately disappear after a couple of days of positive thinking. Solid, consistent, HARD work is the only road to mental health. There are no short-cuts, no backroads. But you can do it!
And PS: I'm on this same journey, every day.
Until Next Time! Be Happy! Be Healthy!
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