There’s a monster I want to talk about, his name is Burnout. Now its important to understand that this monster doesn’t start out as a monster. He starts out caring and giving. He knows you like to do what you can for others, he knows you love to be available for those that matter, he knows you want to give 110% at anything you do. But here is where he becomes a monster... He tells you to keep going when you should rest, he tells you to keep giving when you have nothing left, he tells you to care more when you’ve done all you can. He tells you these things because he becomes stronger as you become weaker. As you get weaker and weaker, he begins to attack your thoughts and emotions. He tells you that you SHOULD be able to handle this, he tells you that you SHOULDN’T be feeling so worn out, he tells you that you SHOULD be like the other mothers, fathers, counselors, social workers, friends, co-workers because they so obviously never get burnt out or tired (insert sarcasm). He hits your emotions where they are most vulnerable. He begins to make you feel resentful towards people who ask for your help, bitter towards those who don’t recognize how empty your cup is, angry at those who continue to require your energy. You look at your kids and feel like they’re ungrateful because they don’t acknowledge all you do for them. You look at your spouse and feel like they could help out more but won’t because they’re selfish. You look at your boss or coworkers and feel anger at them for piling more and more on your plate. And if you’re a burned out counselor or social worker, you may feel less compassion for the people you are trying to help.
As the monster hijacks your thoughts and emotions, you begin to let your responsibilities fall by the wayside. Your house chores don’t get done, you may call in to work, you sleep more than normal. A cloud of weariness, helplessness, and dread falls upon you.
Before long, you become a walking zombie, devoid of much feeling and only negative thinking. You think you’re depressed (and often there is some of that), you look for medication to help, but it doesn’t because there is no medication for burnout.
And finally, you come to a crossroads. One way requires self-care, boundaries, rest, acknowledgement of where you let it get out of hand, commitment to not fall into the same pitfalls, reaching out for support, and most importantly, self-compassion. The other way is dark and empty, a winding, muddy road towards the Monster’s Lair where he will consume you and take whatever little remaining joy you have until you’re just a shell of yourself.
You decide to take the way of self-care. So what does that look like? You walk along the nice paved (sometimes bumpy) road and you come to your first road block called: Rest. Take a few days and rest. Genuinely rest. Unplug if you need to, read a book, relax however you need, and say ”no” to everything.
Warning signs are everywhere stating, “remember to be compassionate to yourself!” This is important because the Monster is still trying to convince you that you’re weak and you only got to this place because there’s something wrong inside of you.
The next road block you come upon is called: Make a Plan. This requires you to sit down, think about where things went wrong, where you gave too much and were stretched too thin. Once you realize these things you make a plan for where you need to cut back in order to create balance between work, play, and rest.
Warning sign: “Be compassionate to yourself!”
Onward you go towards road block number 3: Boundaries. Begin to set boundaries with people around you. Only say “yes” to the things that are necessary and a couple of things that are for enjoyment or fun. This is called balance.
Warning sign: “Be compassionate to yourself!”
All along this road you see the people in your life standing on the side with signs saying “you can do it”, “you are loved”, “you are appreciated”. It helps you to stay on the road and keep going! Make sure you reach out to your family and friends and let them know you’re struggling and that their help and support is needed. People can’t help if you don’t ask.
Warning sign: “Be compassionate to yourself!”
You make it to the final road block: Committing to the New You. This might be the hardest road block because you might be known for being the "yes man". You might be the one people/kids/coworkers/friends/family always turn to. It won't always feel good to say "no" or to set boundaries of any kind with them. You may be tempted to slip back into your old ways and say, "well, it's just this one thing." This road block requires you to recognize that if you don't commit to your well-being, it will be difficult to look after and be present for the ones you want to be there for.
And now you've done it! You're at the finish line. You look behind you and Burnout the monster is still standing at the crossroads. You see, he isn't allowed to walk the path of self-care. As long as you're on this path, as long as you're committed to these things, Burnout can't touch you.
I have walked this journey, my friends. I know the despair and exhaustion that comes from burnout. Please know you're not alone. Please know that it can be overcome, with commitment, compassion, support and patience. So to anyone battling the monster, hear me now: It's time to punch the monster in his big, ugly, evil face and take your life back!
Until Next Time!
Be happy! Be healthy!
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