This post will not be popular with any teenagers if they happen to come across this blog, but there's no helping it. It's an important topic and it's a topic that needs to be addressed.
Before we begin, I want to share a few statistics because I think it's imperative that parents be aware of the staggering statistics that involve teens and technology. These statistics are based on cyber-sexting and cyber-bullying.
Here we go:
- 55% of teens have given out personal info to someone they don’t know, including photos and physical descriptions
-29% of teens have posted mean info, embarrassing photos or spread rumors about someone
-29% have been stalked or contacted by a stranger or someone they don’t know
-24% have had private or embarrassing info made public without their permission
-22% have been cyber-pranked
-56% of teens say they have been the target of some type of online harassment
-15% percent of the young people surveyed say they have sent nude photos or videos of themselves
-21% say they've received nude photos or videos from others. About half of those involved say they felt pressured to do so
-41% have experienced some form of digital dating abuse — including checking in multiple times a day, reading messages without permission, pressuring others to respond to messages or spreading rumors
Check out the other statistics from this website, where I got the above mentioned statistics. http://www.webwisekids.org/programs-facts-statistics-beseen.html
We are seeing an insane increase in Anxiety and Depression and Suicidal Thinking in teens today. I don't think it's any surprise that the increase in these statistics coincide with the increase in technology use. These kids are suffering and it's our job as adults to recognize that we are the ones who have control over the amount of technology use our kids are exposed to. Schools have started incorporating more and more technology in learning because our kids are struggling to learn the old fashioned way. Why is that? I believe it's because they spend so much time glued to a screen outside of school, that when they do go to school and are having to look at a book instead of a screen, they're unable to focus because it's not as stimulating as a screen. We are creating technology-addicted generations.
I know that the number one reason most parents want their child to have a phone is for safety reasons. In the world we live in now, parents are terrified that something could happen at their child's school and they would have no way of knowing. However, I've got to be honest about this and my opinion on this, if safety is truly the reason your child has a phone, then why must they have a SMART phone? Flip phones make calls just as easily. Flip phones text just as easily. (See what I mean? This is NOT going to be a popular post!)
Teenagers are in the brain and body developing stages. This means their brains are not fully developed in areas such as impulse control, self-control, mature decision-making, anticipating consequences, emotion regulation, healthy coping skills and interpersonal skills. If they are still developing in these areas, we have to think about how damaging it is for them to have access to a universe of information through these smart phones. Imagine if they stumble upon pornography: without impulse control and mature decision-making, what's to stop them from looking at it? And once they look at it, what's to stop them from getting addicted to such things and seeking out such things in their interpersonal relationships? What about when they're faced with being messaged by adults looking to take advantage of them? What's to stop them from feeling validated and complimented that an adult is attracted to them? Our teenagers aren't developmentally meant to be faced with these issues yet. They're not supposed to be able to know exactly what to do and to understand the dangers that this world has for them. These smart phones are overwhelming them with information that their brains can't process and understand. Therefore, we have a world full of teenagers who have anxiety and depression because they can't handle the over-stimulation and overwhelming input of information.
Here is a great article about brain development! I encourage you to read it and understand the teen brain a little better: https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/teen-brain-development/
So how do we help them? Best case scenario, you take their smart phone away and limit their access to it. And when they DO have access to it, you monitor their activity. Does it take more work? Absolutely. Will they potentially scream and make your life miserable? Probably. But the bottom line is this: they aren't capable of helping themselves yet. It's our job as parents and adults to help our teenagers until they are developmentally capable of handling information. Alcoholics also get angry and scream when you try to take their alcohol away. It's so important to recognize that addictions to technology/phones/social media is a real and ever-present issue.
Another article that might be helpful is this one: https://www.toptenreviews.com/software/privacy/best-cell-phone-parental-control-software/ It covers some good monitoring software you can use for your child's phone as well as some tips on setting boundaries.
It's overwhelming to think of all the things that need to happen in order to reverse some of the damage that has been done by flooding our world with technology, but we can start with this one small step.
I recognize that many parents might not agree with the idea of restricting their teens access to a smart phone. If that's the case, then I think the next thing to consider would be to restrict the teen's TIME on their smart phone. Ask yourself some questions about how much face time you're putting in with your teenager. Is there a dinner routine? Is there family time scheduled? Have you had a meaningful conversation with your teen today? These phones are impeding our teenagers' abilities to interact face-to-face. Everything is safe behind the anonymity of a screen.
Lastly, and this is REALLY going to hit where it hurts, but I say this in love and sincerity. WE, as adults, are setting a horrible example for our kids when we spend too much time on our phones. When WE bring our phones to the dinner table. When WE choose to text our kids instead of go to their rooms and talk face-to-face with them. The change has to start with US and WE have to be willing to be consistent in the example we set.
This is such a loaded topic and there's no way to cover everything that's needed. There are tons of apps that kids are using these days to circumvent the monitoring process. Most kids have MULTIPLE social media accounts so shutting one account down doesn't do much good since they have 5 others that they use. There are apps that look like harmless apps, but are actually a secret doorway to hidden videos and photos. Check out the "Fake Calculator" app and see what it looks like and what it actually does.
We have to protect our kids from themselves right now. It's imperative that we educate ourselves on development of the brain and have realistic expectations of what our kids can and can't manage.
If you need more information on this or would like to sit down with me and discuss ways to better and more safely use technology in your family, give me a call and lets set something up!
(682) 803-0201
Technology is a wonderful thing when it's used with boundaries and safety precautions.
Be Happy! Be Healthy!
Until Next Time!
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